CPR in the World That Never Was
by Awebeco Bento Productions
Summary: The script of the skit we performed at AnimeNEXT 2008 this past weekend. Epicness and yaoiness galore!


Hi all! So over the weekend, Purewhite, Oro and I all went on an epic adventure to AnimeNEXT 2008 at the Meadowlands Expo Center in NJ. On Saturday we cosplayed as KH II characters: Purewhite was Axel, Oro was Kairi, and I was Roxas. The three of us performed a skit in the Masquerade that night, and we decided it would be fun to upload the script of our skit so you amazing people can read it! XD

Here's the link to the Youtube video of our skit:

/watch?vccGp7RtPruM

We hope you enjoy reading/watching it as much as we enjoyed making it!

-Peachy (aka Roxas3)

--

"**CPR in the World That Never Was"**

KAIRI enters with clipboard/notebook in hand and stands back center-stage, facing the audience.

AXEL and ROXAS enter from opposite sides of the stage and meet at center-stage, in front of Kairi.

AXEL looks bored, and ROXAS looks around as if searching for someone.

**ROXAS: …We're the only ones who showed up for this?!**

**AXEL: **_**(shrugs)**_** Guess so. **

**ROXAS: Screw this. I'm leaving.**

KAIRI blocks ROXAS'S path of escape.

**KAIRI: Oh, no you're not. You are not leaving me with a classroom full of Axel.**

**Go stand over there.**

ROXAS goes and stands next to AXEL, who grins devilishly at him. ROXAS returns the look with a roll of his eyes.

**KAIRI: **_**(claps her hands and smiles)**_** Okay! I'm your instructor, Kairi. Today**

**we're gonna be learning how to properly administer emergency first-aid**

**care to an unconscious adult. **

**ROXAS: Wait…are you telling me that this is a **_**CPR**_** class?!**

**AXEL: Say wha'?**

AXEL, who previously was admiring himself in a mirror, suddenly pays full attention. KAIRI nods in response to Roxas's question. ROXAS looks horrified and indignant.

**ROXAS: Why do we even need to learn this?! I thought we were**

**gonna learn something important, like Math, or History, or…I**

**dunno…something!"**

**KAIRI: Trust me, this is **_**much**_** more important than any of that. Now,**

**let's begin. Roxas, since you're being a royal pain, you get to be the**

**unconscious victim, and Axel, you are the rescuer. Now Roxas, go lie**

**down over there.**

ROXAS reluctantly goes and lies down on his back, center-stage. AXEL follows KAIRI to stage left.

**KAIRI: Okay, Axel, the scene is safe. Go check the victim. **

**AXEL: **_**(gleefully) **_**Don't worry, Roxie, I'll save you!!**

AXEL frolics over to an 'unconscious' ROXAS and stands directly behind him, waiting for Kairi's instruction.

**KAIRI: Tap his shoulder and ask if he's okay. **

**AXEL: **_**(kneels and taps ROXAS'S shoulder) **_**Are you okay?! Are you okay?!**

**ROXAS: **_**(shoving AXEL off him)**_** No, I'm not, idiot!! **

**KAIRI: Shut up, Roxas, you're unconscious!!**

ROXAS resigns himself to his role as victim and plays dead.

**KAIRI: Alright, Axel, now check for signs of life for no more than 10 seconds.**

KAIRI walks back to her first position on stage as AXEL slowly bends over ROXAS. When AXEL and ROXAS'S faces get really close together, KAIRI pushes "Play" on a large remote.

"Let's Get It On" begins playing through the speakers. KAIRI clasps her hands together and watches AXEL and ROXAS, waiting expectantly.

AXEL looks shocked at first, but quickly gets dirty ideas about his unconscious friend and leans in for a kiss.

ROXAS hears the song, jumps up and shoves AXEL away from him.

**ROXAS: **_**(turning on a sheepish looking KAIRI, who switches the song off)**_** What the HELL,**

**Kairi?!**

**KAIRI: Uh, just kidding, Roxas! It was just a joke. Now, seriously, let's finish**

**this lesson. **

ROXAS eyes KAIRI suspiciously, but slowly lies back down after shooting AXEL a warning glance.

**KAIRI: Now, where were we…okay, Axel, there are no signs of life.**

**AXEL: Call 9-1-1! This person's unconscious! **

**KAIRI: Very good. Now, give two rescue breaths followed by thirty chest**

**compressions. **

**AXEL: **_**(grinning evilly)**_** Yes, ma'am!**

KAIRI holds up the remote as AXEL leans down toward ROXAS'S face. She presses "Play" and this time, "Kiss Me" begins to play.

AXEL shrugs, smiling ever wider, and goes for it once again. ROXAS narrowly dodges AXEL and grabs the remote from KAIRI. He glares daggers at a guilty-looking KAIRI and a disappointed AXEL.

**ROXAS: What the hell…?!...How did you…?!...Why are**_** WE**_**…?!...And…**_**CPR**_**?! We're**

_**Nobodies**_**, we don't even **_**have**_** hearts!! **

**KAIRI: **_**(backing away from ROXAS)**_** Uh, um…what's that, Demyx? You need**

**me? Good job guys, you both passed! See ya later!**

KAIRI exits stage right in a run.

**ROXAS: Hey, wait, Kairi! We didn't even learn anything!! Come back here!!**

ROXAS begins to exit after KAIRI. AXEL turns toward ROXAS and looks desperate.

AXEL grabs ROXAS by the wrist.

**AXEL: Wait, Roxas! **

AXEL pulls ROXAS in with awesome moves.

**AXEL: **_**(seductively) **_**Don't you think you should practice on me now?**

AXEL and ROXAS have a yaoi moment! fangirl squee

**ROXAS: **_**(regaining his senses, pulling away from AXEL)**_** Not now, Axel!**

ROXAS pushes AXEL away and runs off in the direction of KAIRI.

**AXEL: **_**(still in seductive tone, looking at audience) **_**So uh, later?**

AXEL exits stage right.

**THE END**


End file.
